As We Move Closer

Today it seems like all of reality hit. The reality of what is really going on, and the fact that life is changing dramatically. For one thing, our wedding planner informed us that we are $2000 over budget. Yeesh. When we hired her we told her we didn't have a penny more than the money we budgeted for the wedding. She said she could do it.

So here we are two weeks before our wedding, and we're over budget. All I have to say is: I hope she knows what she's doing. The thing is, she's a really sweet lady and I totally think she would be a great shopping buddy, or the type of lady you would just want to be silly with and paint your nails together. So I have a heard time imagining myself getting upset or frustrated with her, or even just being assertive with her. But if that's what it takes, then that's what it takes! We'll see how things go when J (my fiance) and I talk to her tomorrow.

Everything else seems to be coming together nicely. My dress is lovely, J's clothes are tailored and ready to go. The bridesmaids and groomsmen are all set. I think so far I've been doing a great job of not stressing out about this wedding. The one thing I did NOT want to do once we started planning the wedding, is turn into a bridezilla. I made a commitment to keep the ultimate goal of this wedding constantly in mind: my life together with J.

I've moved into the apartment J and I will live in together once we're married. It's an adorable place. I love it because it's finally beginning to feel like a home. When I first moved in here, it felt crowded, cold, and just strange. I haven't lived in an apartment for over 20 years, so it took some getting used to, living so close to your neighbors and constantly trying to not walk to hard or hit the walls or slam your door. It was pretty difficult in the beginning.

Especially when our next door neighbor caught me on my way out one afternoon. I had been having kind of a mopey day. I was frustrated that living in an apartment felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time. I walked down to my car and realized forgot my water bottle in the apartment. Since I've really been trying to drink more water and not get dehydrated--like I had in the past--I ran upstairs to grab the bottle. I unlocked and opened the door and left it open since the bottle was just a couple footsteps away. Well, since the windows were open in the apartment the door ended up slamming. Loudly. I felt really badly about it, especially since we're on the second floor. But I noticed it was noon and figured everyone in the building was most likely awake by then, and chances are I hadn't disturbed anyone too much.

As I was locking my door again, I hear the neighbor loudly and almost angrily unlocking and pulling open her door. She asks me, "Could you please not slam your door? I was still sleeping." I apologized and told her my windows were open and I left it open for a minute and it slammed. She goes on to give me her life story about how she's afraid of earthquakes so she's especially jumpy and goes on and on about how she doesn't mean to be rude, she's just jumpy and she was still sleeping. Honestly, I sympathized and made a mental note to always close the door behind me if the windows are open.

I suppose I just felt a bit offended by her request only because I was already feeling mopey about living in an apartment. On top of it, she used some very unladylike language while talking to me about her issue. Not that I've never heard those words before. I'm certainly not the type of person who acts like some atrocity has just been committed when they hear a single curse word. It just always shocks me when strangers use words like that with people they don't even know! I feel like asking them, "How did you know I wasn't going to be offended??"

But you know what? I told her to have a good day, and I tried to brush it off. I tried to look at it from her point of view. If I were terrified of earthquakes, I would probably get really nervous about anything that made a loud noise or made the building shake too.

I also didn't want to spend the rest of my day being upset about the trials of living in an apartment. What I always try to remind myself is that this is the season of life I'm in. J and I are getting married. This is our first place together. This is the place we will think back on fondly, when we're celebrating 25 years together as "that tiny little 1 bedroom we lived in". And for a "tiny little 1 bedroom", it's not bad at all. God has really blessed us, and we have such a comfortable place to start our new life together. I suppose, again, it's about keeping that ultimate goal in mind: our life together.